This is my most honest entry yet.
I have been fostering this love for her music for over 5 years now. Her songs have very much been a part of my life as with the drama that comes with it. I’m just realizing it now that I have related so much to her songs for these past years that you can probably say she is the epitome of what my life’s soundtrack would be like. Sara could very well be playing in the background for every time an eventful scene happens to me – complete with her baby grand piano. If it were a set, the director would go: “ok people, April gets rejected by a jerk once again– cue in Sara.” There is just something so relatable, so gut wrenching about her songs that I am convinced she pulled an inception on me when I was asleep. LOL. Kidding aside, her words are really as good as mine as it is to the women who can see themselves in any of her songs. So let me bore you with this entry as I narrate the events (in chronological order) of when Sara Bareilles lovingly sang me through the ins and the outs of my complicated love life.
Year: 2006
Song: Gravity
“Something always brings be back to you, it never takes too long…”
This was when I struggled trying to ward off romantic feelings towards a friend, but no matter how hard I tried, I would almost always fall prey to it. I reckon those were one of the suckiest days in college.
Year: 2007
Song: Love Song
“I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today”
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today”
I was frustrated at myself for doing almost anything he asks of me. Even writing his debate speech for Comm class. Don’t judge me. “Just because I have feelings for you doesn’t mean you can DEMAND things from me. damn. I spoil you too much.” – the immature, irrational me.
Year: 2008
Song: Between the Lines
“I tell myself the words he surely meant to say. I’ll talk until the conversation doesn’t stay on. Wait for me, I’m almost ready when he meant let go."
Aahhh yes. The summer of 2008 there was a jerk boy who I shared a kiss with. I’m not going to lie, I did like him. He put me into an emotional spin. But I was only reciprocated by vague answers. I knew better. NEXT PLEASE!
Year: 2010
Song: One Sweet Love (June)
“Time that I’ve taken I pray, is not wasted. Have already tasted my piece of one sweet love.”
And then there he was... Love(?)
Year: 2010
Song: Many the miles (November)
“How far do I have to go to get to you? Many the miles. But send me the miles and I’ll be happy to follow you love.”
The things you promise people when you’re in love. It doesn’t make sense now really. I was so naïve.
Year: 2011
Song: Hold my heart (January)
“I want to tell you so. Before the sun goes dark how to hold my heart. ‘cause I don’t wanna let go, let go, let go too soon.”
I was lying on my back contemplating what I needed to do. I knew from the start that it had to end. Sooner or later I had to let go. This was only days away from goodbye, I remember.
Year: 2011
Song: Basket case (February)
Goodbye to the man I called preppy.
Song: The Light (March)
“Never mind what I knew
Nothing seems to matter now
Ooh, who I was without you
I can do without”
I was waking up trying to forget and trying to go about with a new routine. Circumstances were helping me. I knew I was leaving Manila for sure and that helped me cope.
Year: 2011
Breathe again (April 7)
I was only a few days shy from my flight date. JFK never sounded so real. Ever.
Year: 2011
Blue Bird (April 9)
“And so here we go bluebird,
Gather your strength and rise up.
Oh, let him go bluebird
Ready to fly,
You and I,
Here we go.”
Gather your strength and rise up.
Oh, let him go bluebird
Ready to fly,
You and I,
Here we go.”
At the airport. And all alone no less! Tried so hard not to cry like a baby. This song was on repeat, I was already feeling the distance. And I was well on my way to letting go.
Year: 2011
Uncharted (right now)
“No words.
My tears won’t make any room for ‘em, oh
And it don’t hurt
Like anything I’ve never felt before
This is no broken heart, no familiar scars
This territory goes uncharted”
Finally. Everything just seemed brand new. I was in a different country, with different people. I was finally (and literally) at the epicenter of all the commotion. The world was bigger. And the scars, were just scars. They don’t hurt no more.
Thank you Sara, for supplying the most appropriate thematic songs to my otherwise dull, monotonic life. (Aug. 31, 2011 at Central Park)
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